The NowGamer Election
The Coalition Of Ordered Governments
Gear Of War (Series)
Manifesto: We believe in the salvation of mankind from the evil locustness of the Locust. We believe in the promotion of whey protein, creatine, and gonadal steroids as the singular foodstuffs of the common people. More importantly, we believe in the preservation and sanctity of our greatest weapon against the threat of the almighty horde: small walls. Without small walls, we would have had our moobs shot off years ago. COG: Building Small Walls For A Better Tomorrow.
Manifesto: Now we, The Enclave, realise that this may not get us the most votes, but we believe in eugenics, which is a posh way of saying that we’re better than you, genetically speaking. If you’re ‘true humanity’ then we are the perfect choice. During our first term, we promise to enslave what remains – mutants, ghouls, people we don’t like very much – for the good of, well, for the good of us, mostly.
The Brotherhood Of Nod
Command & Conquer (Series)
Manifesto: Are you sick of the fly-by-night cowboys over at GDI? One minute you’re rallying behind an aging, balding general voiced by Sam Fisher, and the next he’s all twatted up in a nuke. If you want some stability, it’s time to make the only sane choice. We’ve been here since 1800 BC, with our leader living for at least a hundred years of that time. Upon his death, the almighty Kane simply rises again in a funny hat. Even Churchill couldn’t manage that.
Manifesto: Put aside for just a moment, if you will, our necessity to wage genocidal war on humanity and our penchant toward ultimate self-destruction at the hands of our own internal conflicts, The Convenant has a lot to offer you. We, the Sangheili and the San ‘Shyuum used to be at war with one another, but look at us now; all friends. Vote Covenant; the only choice for lovers of shiny purple shit.
Call Of Juarez: Bound In Blood
Manifesto: Okay, so we, the Confederate States Of America have a bit of a poor reputation, granted. If you can just put out of your mind the fact that we built a majority of our infrastructure on slavery, then ran protestors out of the southern states during the 1850’s, then we can all just get along. Oh, and if you see those McCall brothers knocking about, can you let us know, only they appear to have shot most of us.
Just Cause 2
Manifesto: I’m not a political party as such, more a dictator. This means you do what I say. Cast your eyes across my almighty kingdom and you’ll see my standing orders being obeyed in every corner of Panau. The ‘Me Party’, stands for mooching about next to giant red explosive things until such time as Ricky Martin makes an appearance in inhumanly tight trousers to level the entire area, killing you, your friends and all of the local flora and fauna.
The Earth Defence Force (EDF)
Red Faction: Guerrilla
Manifesto: To be absolutely honest, we barely trust ourselves with power. Having overcome the evil and sadistic Ultor Mining Corporation just a few short years ago, all of this new-found power has somewhat gone to our heads and now it is we who are the instigators of the new oppressive regime which takes great delight in inflicting pain, suffering and political torment on the poor Martian miners and colonists whom once we befriended. Which is nice. Happy face.
Far Cry 2
UFLL or APR
Manifesto: Although technically opposing factions, in this instance, we insist you vote for us both. We promise, should we attain power, that we will set up checkpoints every few hundred yards and populate them with magically resurrecting goons. We also promise that it doesn’t matter which of us you support. Support is irrelevant. Even if you are on a priority one mission for our leaders, we promise to attempt to kill you at every conceivable opportunity. It’s only fair.
Federal Republic Of Estovakia
Ace Combat 6: Fires Of Liberation
Manifesto: We, the Federal Republic Of Estovakia, promise to bring down the full power of our air force down upon of the Republic Of Emmeria. Being ‘Red’ in colour, we promise to act as a particularly obvious allegory for cold war Russia. We also have a keen line in snickering bad guys who promise to be bad just for the sake of being bad, but outwardly, for no other reason and there’s no way one shit-hot pilot will change that either. No chance. No siree.
Republic Of Uhra
Manifesto: We, the free government of the Magical Republic Of Uhra, promise to dissolve the monarchy on account of its remainder being a clueless ladyboy. We also promise to ignore the basic fundaments of maintaining a cohesive level of public order in so much as ignoring suspiciously bearded immortals and instead letting them have complete free reign to do as they wish. Poison the king, kill cabinet members, screw the pooch, whatever. We really don’t care.