The 10 Worst Console Games Of This Generation
10. Two Worlds (X360, PC)
When we consider all the great fantasy RPGs out there, it’s a wonder that some developers decide to turn their hand to the genre without any prior experience. Reality Pump’s Two Worlds may have drawn comparisons to Oblivion, but to even mention both games in the same sentence, like we just did, is to grossly underestimate the massive gulf between a brilliant, polished, epic game and one that appears to have been cobbled together in a couple of weeks. Terrible dialogue, dull combat, ridiculous levelling up and incredibly bad visuals are the least of the games worries. How, or why Two Worlds 2 is in the works is beyond us.
9. Escape From Bug Island (Wii)
On paper, this Wii launch title from Japanese developer Spike should have been a fun giant-bug infested survival horror; a cartoony take on Resident Evil for a pre-teen audience. However, Escape From Bug Island combines such atrocious design decisions, gameplay and controls that we’ll applaud anybody that admits to playing it for more than a couple of hours. Bosses are a joke, puzzles embarrassingly repetitive and the decision to revert from normal third-person controls to a perspective-disregarding-Resi-style scheme – in certain situations – is just utter nonsense. No matter which way you slice it Bug Island is less appealing than visiting the dentist – for open-heart surgery.
8. Spider-Man 3 (PS3, Xbox 360)
Even Activision has admitted that they’ve never really done anything good with the Spider-man license and here’s why: a drab, last-generation approach to the game world, combat, story and graphics hangs heavily over the proceedings, with that now long-forgotten problem in 3D games – a camera with a mind of its own – also rearing its ugly head. In fact the game may as well have appeared on the PS2/Xbox for all the use it’s making of the power of current hardware. Criminally, Treyarch also managed to make web-slinging around New York infinitely less exciting than previous Spidey outings. It all amounts to an experience we can only describe as dangerously poor.
7. Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard (PS3, Xbox 360)
There’s nothing worse than someone who thinks they’re hilarious, but is, in actual fact, about as funny as a brain tumour. The same could be said of videogames, and quite simply, Eat Lead falls into this category. Parodying videogame genres must have sounded like a brilliant idea in whatever meeting the game was greenlit, but the execution is sloppy, dull and distinctly unfunny. To make matters worse, the game appears to make self-referential jokes about its own shoddiness, making those that bought it feel very foolish indeed.
6. Far Cry Vengeance (Wii)
Okay, so a Far Cry game on the Wii was never about to match an experience that originated on the PC, from the powerhouse programmers over at Crytek. But that’s not the problem with Far Cry Vengeance. No, the problem is that Ubisoft hasn’t even seen fit to finish the game before releasing it – sub, sub par graphics, seriously shit AI, and controls that are as inaccurate as the game is fun to play. Which is not very, if you hadn’t figured it out. Don’t blame the hardware – Modern Warfare was successfully crammed onto the format – so it must just be a terrible, terrible game in its own right.
5. Vampire Rain (Xbox 360, PS3)
A horror game that includes stealth-action elements, Vampire Rain is actually nothing more than an utter horror-show, providing little in the way of thrills and even less spills. Had Artoon’s game turned up for the consoles even two generations prior we would still bury its memory deep, deep down like some sort of traumatic childhood memory. But the fact that it was actually designed with current technology in mind requires us to ridicule it mercilessly. Everything is so derivative that Vampire Rain actually does itself a disservice – you’ll find it more entertaining remembering where you’ve seen it all before, than actually playing the game.
4. Too Human (Xbox 360)
There are worse games this generation than Too Human. But none of them were hyped to the point of exhaustion during a ten-year development cycle; Too Human was, and in that time skipped two console generations after originally being planned for the original PlayStation, then for the Nintendo Gamecube. It’s the Xbox 360 that eventually drew the short straw though, and by the time the game actually appeared it was, inevitably, already out of date. The basic gameplay quickly turns into a yawn-inducing hack’n’slash slog, with an unfathomably shallow plot to boot. Without doubt this gen’s Daikatana.
3. Way of the Samurai 3 (PS3, Xbox 360)
No amount of cultural differences can explain some of the bizarre choices made by Japanese developer UFO in the third Way of the Samurai game. Firstly it expects players to play the game many times over; even when it’s so bad that playing it once is enough to induce hatred in all but the most forgiving gamers. Awful visuals, some of the worst combat seen in the last few years and a strange cause-and-effect narrative which works in no way whatsoever, do little to save what should have been a passable feudal romp.
2. Destroy All Humans: Path of the Furon (PS3, Xbox 360)
Another game that looks like it was made to launch alongside the PS2, Path of the Furon is a vegas-set sandbox style-action game, featuring the series’ usual cast of malevolent extra-terrestrials. If that sounds bad, that’s because it is. Add into the mix a ridiculously long tutorial, inexplicable buginess and offensively bland gameplay, all wrapped in a layer of something we’d call ‘an overwhelming sense of doom’ rather than what publisher THQ would loosely term ‘humour’, and you’ve got a horrible, nay, tortuous experience.
1. Rogue Warrior (Xbox 360, PS3)
What has Rogue Warrior got that makes it the worst game of this generation so far? Well, let’s look at what it hasn’t got; acceptable gameplay, graphics and story are just the beginning. What should be a plus point – the protagonist’s voiceover by noneother than Mickey Rourke – is just another laughable aspect of one of the laziest shooters we’ve ever come across. If all that wasn’t bad enough the game was released as a full-price title, despite weighing in at just three hours of playtime. The final nail in the coffin are the end credits in which Rourke’s phoned-in lines are edited to form the most ghastly rap ever committed to audio. You won’t get that far of course, (if you ever go near the game we’ll never speak to you again) but rest assured, much like the game, it’s indefensibly poor. The whole thing actually contains over 20 F-bombs – check out the second verse below, or read our scathing review:
F***in’ commies keep gettin’ in my way
Well, surprise motherf***ers
Happy f***in’ birthday
Nighty night, you sweet piece of shit
Enjoy the ride, c***sucker
Have a nice trip
Boom time, baby
Treak or treat
Looks like a party, come on
I got places to go and people to meet
Assholes are everywhere
F***ers ’round the forest
High ho, high ho, this f***er’s gonna blow