Friday Five: Xbox 360’s Five Biggest Bastards
5. John Marston – Red Dead Redemption
Red Dead Redemption’s art director, Rob Nelson told 360 Magazine recently that Rockstar had developed “an immense, beautiful, and enormous landscape – the most beautiful Rockstar has achieved to date.” We’d not disagree with his appraisal of the consistency of Rockstar’s own Wild West; John Marston, though? We’re not so sure.
Although his creators worked hard to perpetuate the notion that he was thug with a good guy trying to get out, we always felt it was the other way around. That he was always outwardly trying to do the right thing, while inside was this utter, utter bastard vying for screen time. Take the mysterious stranger mission, even though the NPC is an apparition, Marston didn’t know that and shoots him in the back just because he wound him up a little. The bastard.
4. Dominic Santiago – Gears Of War 2
In Gears Of War 2, Dom spends at least the entire first half of the game in search of his wife, Maria. When he finds her, things don’t quite go as planned. In a moving scene reminiscent of a particularly grizzly daytime soap opera, they are reunited only to make way to the shocking revelation that she is in rather a bad way. Okay, Dom, she’s not all that attractive anymore, but she’s still alive, isn’t she? Dom’s decision to euthanise seemed odd. Why not get her to a hospital?
Speaking to 360 Magazine recently, Cliff Bleszinski told us that “What’s in the game is there for the users to interpret, and I hope that some of the allegories and lessons will become more apparent over time.” Like the lesson that Dominic Santiago is a card-carrying bastard, for example.
3. Garrus – Mass Effect 2
Normally a paragon of good behaviour, Garrus shows his bastard side on one occasion of particularly brutal note. When we spoke to Mass Effect 2’s Producer Adrian Cho recently, he told us that, when watching other people play the game “I’m like, ‘Wow! I can’t believe that happened!’”
We couldn’t agree more, Adrian. Especially when one of the most considered and respectful characters in the game turns out to be a sick, sadistic bastard, knee-capping a guy who was going to talk anyway. Bastard.
2. PFC Joseph Allen – Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
It’s one thing being undercover, another altogether forgetting that human life has any value. Surely, it wouldn’t matter how deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEP undercover, you actually were, you wouldn’t stand idly by while a bunch of crazy psychos laid waste to men women and a conspicuous absence of children.
Not least of all because you have a perfectly serviceable LMG in your hands with which to stop it. Worse, perhaps, you enjoyed all the blood and the guts and decided to join in. Good old PFC Joseph Allen, surely one of the videogame world’s greatest, most detestable bastards.
1. Dad – Fallout 3
Where do we even start? Leaving the vault freely while leaving his son or daughter to fend for his or herself. Having extra-marital affairs. Dredging you through the Capital Wasteland at great personal danger. Forcing you to jump through his hoops as a toddler and a baby. Conducting experiments on you. Failing to attend your birthday party.
Even when you do catch up to Dad, his flippant attitude has you wondering why you even bothered. We hate you, Dad. We hate you because you are the Xbox 360’s biggest bastard.