If you’re finding it hard to remember the last time you gleamed any satisfaction from drenching a man in machine-gun fire then you’re very much like us. Smoking a dude with one shot to the head takes skill and shows certain panache. Unless you are Fifty Cent, bullets hurt real bad and don’t generally aid a rapping career. Time Crisis is about taking down felons quickly using a pistol and your cunning ability to duck. Replacing a single shot pistol with something more automatic, explosive or – in the case of the flamethrower – flammable, is the quickest way to remove this fun factor and replace it with something that’s a whole lot more mundane. These terrorists have decided that hijacking planes and flying them into the most prominent two fingers of a city’s skyline is for wimps. They’ve got lots of guns and the kind of body armour that can be represented by a health bar. Screw cunning plans; they are taking out England (yes, merry olde England) using soul-glow suits and improbable full-body protection. Being attacked by terrorists can be a drag. It’s even worse if you are denied the sheer thrill of the quick-draw one-shot kill because they’ve been to The Gap during a Kevlar sale. Grrr. Make no mistake; Crisis Zone is the arcade game in your home. Years ago this very idea would be enough to jack our mouths into a smile. Well, the dream of having arcade quality games at home has become a reality and, in the case of Burnout 3, you can now play greater arcade games in your living room than you’d find in the back streets of Weston-super-Mare. All the presentation and the ‘insert credit’ enticement, the heavily detailed backgrounds and the amusingly destructive scenery here, however, are all garnish to some particularly unsavoury meat. Let us not forget that Time Crisis was essentially a fast-paced shooting gallery. Taking an entire room of terrorists out with single shots – one bullet per bad guy – was the fun. That’s what gave the thrill of the kill and the desire to improve in speed and accuracy. That has gone bye, bye. Crisis Zone is the proverbial over-egged pudding. The addition of a bulletproof riot shield for ducking purposes is welcome, as is the way you can blast the enemy as the game pulls you on the invisible rails that separate scenes. Unfortunately, the excitement in killing is all but neutered. Where you once felt like Billy The Kid, you now feel more like Allen Titchmarsh watering a particularly violent garden.