The Top 10 Scariest Game Monsters
Silent Hill 2
Physical embodiments of repressed self-hate due to angry sex with your wife’s corpse are always going to be represented by a monstrous, helmeted, huge knife-wielding unstoppable ex-executioner. And that’s because your penis makes you evil. It does. Put it away.
Chainsaw Bagman Guy
Resident Evil 4
One, two Fred… Baggy’s coming for you. We argued for a bit that the one with the double chainsaw in the Mercenaries mini-game was scarier, but the first time you see Leon’s head being torn asunder in the actual game soiled more pants. (Yes we know he’s called Dr Salvador really, but that’s not scary.)
ARRGH! Just, ARRGH! It’s got 14 legs! ARRGH! Get it off! Get it off! It’s eating little Rocos! Those poor little Rocos, swallowed down in the prime of their happy, singing globby wee lives. Owww, that’s not fair! What did they ever do to deserve that!? Huh. What do you mean there are even bigger Mojas? Arrgh! ARRGH! Wibble.
The influence of the film Ring (the original, not the pappy remake) can be felt throughout the whole Project Zero series. (Can we call it Fatal Frame, like it is in the US, or does that make it sound like a scary gamer of snooker?) Anyway yeah, ghosts, wooooo, scary. Boo! Ha ha! Made you jump!
A mother’s greatest fear is losing her child. Maybe they’re in Asda’s, say they’ve turned their back to grab some Frosties for the little one’s breakfast but perhaps dallied over getting just cornflakes because of the sugar content in said Frosties, and when they turn back their child has vanished! It’s a bit less panicky when Yorda gets grabbed by the Shadows, but it’s sort of close.
Sephiroth is eeeeevilll. Love spelt backwards is ‘evol’, which sounds a bit like ‘evil’. Or maybe he’s just very, very angry. Whatever, he still burns down villages, unleashes Genova and makes the sun explode after hurling a comet at it. Sure it only takes off 93.8 per cent of your party’s health, but it’s his evil intention that makes him bloody frightening.
Metal Gear Ray
It’s a hunter, designed specifically to track down and destroy the Metal Gear Rex derivatives constructed from leaked information after the Shadow Moses incident. With its scary organic-ish construction and frighteningly powerful water jet to cut through armoured foes, Ray really is one of the scariest robot thingies ever…
In Doom it was a: “Half unfeeling machine, half raging horned devil.” In Doom II it was: “A missile-launching skyscraper with goat legs. ’Nuff said.” All we know is that whenever this guy appeared we ran away as fast as our 486es would carry us. There’s just something deeply primordial about a horned beastie with goat legs. Shudder.
“Velociraptors? Oh my! One best shoot them post haste, what. If one skinned them one could have one’s sweat-shop workers fashion a fetching clutch-purse… what‘s that stomping noise? Oh golly gosh! Stop that! Put me down! I am a Lady, don’t you know! Oww f**k.” Lara – 1996.
“Cor-blimey guv’nor! Oi can see through their jammy pies.” Scary attempts at voice acting aside Forbidden Siren contained some truly chilling moments when an almost mindless Shibito locked on to your character and through the fuzziness of Sight-Jacking you realised they were right behind you. Brrrr.