Rise Of The Triad Review
Imagine the games industry’s a trendy club, and each game is represented by an individual there. Fez is off sulking in a corner somewhere, Doom 4 said he’d be here but he opted to stay at home and watch Babestation, and Call of Duty’s sassing the bar staff, quoting Danny Dyer films.
Everyone’s eyes are on Bioshock Infinite though, who’s piddling on about the kind of cheese he puts in his salad. He’s sipping down an expensive cocktail and looks mighty pleased with himself. Everyone’s listening to him, but they zoned out ages ago, choosing to to focus on other things instead, like the itch on their left buttock or the texture of their shoelaces.
Then Rise of The Triad 2013 edition bursts in through the door. He’s wearing a sawn off Slayer T Shirt and has a massive beard. He plonks himself down at the bar, takes one look at everyone, orders the thickiest, yeastiest most disgusting ale at the place, and belches ‘BOLLOCKS.’ He then tells the dirtiest joke imaginable and everyone looks on appalled. He’s a hero.
Rise of The Triad 2013 edition really does feel like it’s gatecrashed the wrong party in the wrong era, and it feels so right. In a time where the industry is so depressingly concerned with keeping up with cinema or justifying itself as ‘art,’ Rise of The Triad is completely comfortable in its own gibbed skin. It’s a daft computer game, and it knows it.
Rise of the Triad also knows that there’s an audience of people that remember what first person shooters were like before Half Life 2 (through no fault of its own) ruined everything. It hearkens back to a time where levels were actually mazes to explore and exploit, rather than straight corridors perforated by bits where you clumsily fall out of the back of a truck like Compo from Last of the Summer Wine after manning a turret.
There’s no slow motion bit here, in fact slow motion’s the last thing you’d use to describe ROTT. This is Quake 3 fast, maybe faster. Camping little gits that snipe at pixels from miles away with the special DLC gun they got will get utterly clattered.
Plot? It’s not important. You choose a character and then you’re on your way, mowing down bad guys that are suspiciously like Nazis (the original Rise of The Triad was a Wolfenstein expansion pack after all). Sometimes enemies can be a bit stupid, but most of the time they’re tricksy little gits, stealing your weapons, and even playing dead. They’re annoyingly accurate too, so for the first time in yonks, some good old fashioned circle strafing comes into play.
It’s for this reason that for the first time in about a decade, you’ll actually backtrack to pick up health items and look for secrets. Can you think of the last time you had to do that in a game? You can’t can you? The old pickups are back too, like Monk Meal and Priest Porridge, which has an altogether more unsavoury connotation these days, but anyway. Basically, jaded old bastards will love Rise of the Triad.
It’s not the prettiest game out there, it needs a vigorous patching with a quicksave option and it’s occasionally annoying (having your character belch or fart every time they eat a health pickup isn’t funny), but it’s more than apparent that this has been a real labour of love for Interceptor, who’ve managed to successfully tap into a heinously ignored subset of people bored with the current state of first person shooters.
A long, challenging campaign, a fast and furious multiplayer (that’ll be better once tweaks are made) and a price well below its more pompous competitors make Rise of the Triad a tantalising proposition. And that’s even without mentioning the glorious return of dog mode. Arooooo.
Version Tested: PC