Syphon Filter 3

THE PLACE: A dimly-lit, grand-but-sparsely-populated senate courtroom. Gabe Logan sits in defence whilst a sour-faced official (hereafter referred to as ‘The State’) peers down from the bench. THE EVENT: A congressional enquiry into the recent activities of the aforementioned operative with special reference to Syphon Filter 3…

[MINUTES BEGIN]

THE STATE: Mr Logan, you have been brought here today to answer a number of serious allegations, so we’ll begin without further ado. I put it to you, sir, that you have been working in cahoots with the previous administration to promote outdated working practices – the people of this fine country don’t require bland textures, shallow draw-distances and well-worn gameplay.

LOGAN: Don’t start, we’ve all seen Ridge Racer V. Oh, I geddit – the courtroom setting, the script-like presentation… this is just a rip-off of the reviewer’s favourite old Amiga magazine! [Sarcastic] Shouldn’t you be on a bicycle and wearing a hooded black cloak? You’ll be referencing satsumas next…

THE STATE: Think of it as a tribute, especially to grill you. [Sternly] You’re avoiding the question Mr Logan…

LOGAN: Oooh, get you. Look, lots of people own PSones, you snob, and seeing as how PS2 has only recently become truly attractive, the lack of decent software for the old bird has been pitiful. I should have been topping off a cracking year for PSone in time for this Christmas’s wider transition to PS2; instead I’ve got as much competition as a gigolo in a monastery… reason alone why developers shouldn’t have jumped ship so early. There is money here.

THE STATE: Harumph. [Shuffles papers] That’s what YOU say, but then you don’t even really exist, so let’s move on. It’s also the contention of this court that you have employed cinematic techniques which, dorkus, are suited to the cinema (hence their name) and not videogames… like introducing every mission in the form of a flashback. What happens if you die, eh, Mr Logan?

LOGAN: Ummm, well it’s like I, er, remembered that I died on that mission so… oh, I must say to myself, “No, I can’t have died because I’m here, in the future…” and I suppose I then have to try to recall the events more clearly and re-remember it until I get through alive… d’oh, I see what you mean.

THE STATE: Yes, videogames thrive on the apparent significance of the player’s actions. By trawling through the past, you destroy any illusion of choice completely – the game is thus pish, isn’t that so?

LOGAN: Just hang on – you’re ignoring the fact that everything else is better. The core action might be the same, but the scenarios are engaging, there are some cool weapons AND neat lil’ touches like defeating bosses with lateral thinking and cold-blooded actions having consequences. Within the confines of the technology, it actually plays quite well…

THE STATE: Oh nobody cares about THAT anymore, guilty as charged! [Slams hammer] You are hereby sentenced to relative obscurity and a premature reduction in price.

LOGAN: Cynical bas…

[MINUTES END]