The future is written. And it goes a little something like this…

We’ve lost count of the number of articles claiming to know what to expect from the next Xbox or PlayStation. Speculation is an internet-wide poison masquerading as a genial, wizened uncle. It’s all bloody guesswork. But it’s not a conspiracy, it’s a competition for ‘I told you so’ bragging rights a few years from now. One in which the ultimate prize is the ill-considered capacity to shove your piece of apparently prescient copy into the flabby faces of the idle farting gawpers who stand around the planet waiting for something interesting to happen, like say, a new console going on sale. And that sounds like the kind of fun that NowGamer doesn’t want to miss, so using our combined stupidity, we’ve assimilated all current and emerging technologies to come up with the future of gaming. NowGamer gives you… The Megatron

1000TB: The Megatron will host eight of these, or nineteen in the Megatron Priviliged

Tech: Very, very fast chips
We thought we’d start by looking up the current fastest computer in the world and then extrapolate using Moore’s Law (the one that states every one and a half years computer power will double, or rather that every one and a half years NiGhTHaWK195 will have to sell himself on a street corner to keep up with NiGhTHaWK196), but looking at its specs, it really was just a bunch of useless numbers. No doubt they mean it’s very powerful, but whizzy computer numbers have the very annoying habit of being awarded a new name every time you add a zero or two. A processor that runs at ten-hundred-thousand Baps doesn’t sound half as impressive when it’s framed as running at a mere dozen MPlops.

But, taken as read that ten MPlops is incredibly powerful, The Megatron, due for launch around 2012, will process graphics at a speed of a thousand-million MPlops, or an incredible one Flap.

Tech: Solid State Drive
Samsung announced this morning that it has just launched a 256GB version of their unbelievably speedy solid state drives; a technology that stores and reads data over five times quicker than even the fastest hard drives. It’s essentially the same guts found inside memory cards, only exponentially quicker. With 256GB available here in 2009, we extrapolate that The Megatron will utilise the same technology, only at a whoppingly capacious 100 Terabytes. This will allow enough capacity for hundreds of next-gen games, thousands of films, or a cricket match.

Tech: Handheld remote play
We already have this on PS3 to a certain extent, but it’s not good enough. The PSP doesn’t slide into the PS3 when you’re not using it. Consoles need that Tie-Fighter into Death Star relationship.

The Minitron allows you to play GTA VIII on your mum's face.

The Megatron features The Minitron; a handheld console that links into it from anywhere in the world. As well as slotting seamlessly into the main unit, its internal projection technology allows you to play games using your surroundings as a screen of any size, from four inches to eighty feet. You can play Call Of Duty: Warfare 6 (in the future it won’t be modern any more) anywhere from the whitewashed wall of a squash court, to your mum’s face.

Tech: Natal Mk III
The first Natal gave you face and voice recognition and 3D motion-sensing. Mk II will additionally offer 3D motion sensing in 3D using two separate Natals to map your movements stereoscopically enabling in-game characters to see you in 3D with the use of special goggles that you can download for them at a mere 600 MTP.

… continued