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GTA 5: The Weirdest (And Dumbest) Rumours So Far

Ryan King

Features


GTA 5's second trailer is out and a new round of rumours begun, including these gems…

Published on Nov 22, 2012

Christopher Walken As Voice Actor (Source: GameFAQs)

GameFAQs has long been considered the internet’s traditional home of truth and rational thought. So when someone on GameFAQs suggests Christopher Walken is the voice of the therapist in the second trailer (“your son James, he’s a good kid”), you can bet the world is listening.

Or maybe the world is listening to the actual voice in the trailer to know that, no, it's probably not Christopher Walken. Or maybe the world was listening when Rockstar said celebrities in GTA 5 would 'become a distraction'.

But, you know. Christopher Walken! It would be cool. Right?

Packie Is In It (Source: GameFAQs)

Rockstar said Packie wouldn’t be in GTA 5. Which someone has somehow interpreted to mean that Packie is in GTA 5, and Rockstar is trying to keep it as a surprise.

Yes, we know. Only in the bizarro world of Teh Intrenets can someone saying one thing actually mean the exact opposite.

If we asked Rockstar if dinosaurs were in GTA 5 and they said no, what are you doing, this interview is over, get the hell out, the natural assumption isn't that the second mission will see Trevor scooped up by a pterodactyl because Rockstar wanted to keep it a surprise.

Blonde Girl Is Shelby Welinder (Source: GTAForums)

At first it was Kate Upton. Then it was Yvonne Strahovski. Now Shelby Welinder is the one who’s noticed a sudden increase in her Twitter followers, after GTA fans declared her to be the one the blonde girl artwork is based on (it’s @ShelbyWelinder, for any lazy cyberstalkers reading this).

It’s unlikely to be based on anyone, as Rockstar’s artwork historically hasn’t been based on anyone in particular, but that hasn’t stopped the guesswork. Shelby hasn’t commented either way. She's probably battening down the Twitter hatches.

UPDATE: Turns out it is Shelby Welinder after all. She confirmed to us that she was the model for the GTA 5 artwork.

Governor Of California Is Arnie Spoof (Source: Rockstar Newswire)

Los Santos is based on Los Angeles. Los Angeles is in California. California’s most famous governor? Arnold Schwarzenegger, who starred in blockbuster hits like Jingle All The Way alongside indie films like Terminator 2 and Predator.

This rumour isn’t based on anything other than it’s something people want to see and with given Rockstar tends to lampoon pop culture with its GTA games, this wouldn’t be a surprise at all. Bonus points if there's a line about Arnie pushing too many pencils.

Earthquakes In GTA 5 (Source: TheGTAPlace)

Again, as Los Santos is based in California and California is known to have earthquakes, the speculation is that Los Santos will have earthquakes.

Why? In the second trailer, there’s one bit with Trevor threatening someone next to a trailer in a river. The thought here is that trailers don’t belong in rivers (obviously), so it must have been an earthquake that’s seen it end up there.

It’s an ambitious line of thought but it also ignores any of the other reasons the trailer ended up there – explosions, being pulled there, sabotage and so on. All of those reasons are far more likely. Also the development work involved to get GTA 5 running at the size Rockstar is claiming will be eye-watering. To throw in earthquakes in on top of that?

If there are earthquakes in GTA 5, at all, it will likely be as part of a cutscene.

Snow In GTA 5 (Source: GTAForums)

Slightly more plausible is the idea of snow in GTA 5. In theory, it seems to be less technically demanding to include snow than it is earthquakes, although it would remain a tricky task. Open-world games such as Red Dead Redemption and Skyrim feature snow in pre-determined areas rather than anything truly dynamic.

However, the logic is sound. There was a list of vehicles found on the disc for Max Payne 3, which was supposedly a list of vehicles for GTA 5. Included was a Cuban 800, which was then seen in the second trailer, making the list seem credible. Also included on the list of vehicles is a snowplough. What would be the point of that if there was no snow?

GTA 5 Is Roughly 30 Square Miles (Source: GTAForums)

It would take too long to explain the full workings out of this but here’s the short version. Rockstar said ‘GTA 5 is larger than San Andreas, GTA 4 and Red Dead Redemption combined’. Someone has actually worked out how big those games are, in square miles, and then applied those sizes to GTA 5 using Rockstar’s statement.

Accurate? Probably not but it’s good to see someone applying maths and logic to work things out. The forum member also notes “cars are faster than horses but those horses are pretty damn quick”. Quite right.

Michael’s Daughter And Franklin Are Dating (Source: GTAForums)

This is a new one to us and supposedly this is quite a common theory being floated around. But there doesn’t seem to be any basis for this at all, besides Michael’s wife calling the daughter’s boyfriend a bum.

It could even be Trevor. Which would be… bizarre. But regardless, we doubt very much this is true, as it seems to be a theory plucked out of the air rather than based on anything concrete.

 

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