Alternative Top Ten Females In Gaming

You know, many lists of this type offer up one of three things: condescension, depression or boredom. Without wanting to trivialise the issue at all (after all, who could thoroughly dissect all the necessary issues in the space of a short blog post?), here’s a quick list of all female characters who have entertained me, as far as the 360 is concerned. Pure and simple.

10 ) Panda

Sod checking out what martial arts have been added via new characters, or what frame alterations have been made to the series’ staples – whenever we receive a fresh Tekken title Kuma versus Panda is always match number one.

9 ) Tula Sunflower

The guardian of Peggle’s most potent power-up, without a doubt. After all, who’d want to make their ball deflect off a stupid triangle or flip around the play area when you can just erase pegs on a whim?

8 ) Kitana

The worst possible character to come up against towards the top of Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3’s tower. Fast, impossible to sweep, and capable of rendering any opponent incapable with a waft of her fan.

7 ) Woman in Exit

More of a pet hate than anything else. If I ever hear the phrase “I really need a shower!”, bad things will happen. Scary things.

6 ) Every Woman In Fable II

And about 25 per cent of the men, for that matter. No, when I’m attempting to woo one specific person to get that family-starting Achievement, it doesn’t mean I want the whole population of Albion following me around in some giant love train.

5 ) Lisa Simpson

Valid due to her fleeting appearance in The Simpsons Game, she’s an obvious inclusion for, what, nearly 20 years of televisual memories…

4 ) Sheva

Perfectly aggreeable at all times, except when I need an egg from her, at which time she’s just irritating. Still, anyone who can fend off a giant enemy crab lookalike can’t be bad.

3 ) Carla

What stronger character could there be than a revered Sword Master, feared by the most worldly wise and hairy of pirates? Yes, she may spend the majority of the next chapter on her arse, but still…

2 ) Faith

A slightly more serious entry at number two, Faith’s practically a one-woman army against the forces of oppression. It’s just a shame her story’s delivery looks a bit like Pigeon Street.

1 ) Alyx Vance

Included at the head of this list because she’s one of the most three-dimensional, well-rounded characters in gaming.

So there you have it – a little abstract maybe, but none of the usual embarrassment or objectification you’d see elsewhere. Even if three of our entries technically aren’t human…

By Dave Shaw: X360 Magazine